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I feel so sad right now :(
Monday's are awful, but this one was particularly horrible.
1) It rained today, and having shoes all made of cloth/fabric, I had to wear sandals so as not to soak my shoes. My toes were cold and wet, my clothes were damp from the rain, and I didn't have time to shower because I ended up having to catch the bus because I don't have fenders for my bike yet. BALLS.
2) I had 2 midterms today. One for linguistics, one for psych. I don't know how I did for linguistics (I thought I did alright), but I just found out that I only passed my psych midterm. After spending hours on studying mainly the brain and it's functions, I ended up getting tested more on perception anyways. wtf :( I'm so disappointed with myself because my parents will probably be disappointed with me when they find out. I think this is getting to me the most.
3) I've been really emotional lately. My mood swings from one end of the spectrum to the next in less than 5 seconds and I've been breaking out. Guess what that means. Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn!
4) I haven't seen my family (with the exception of MyLan) since the weekend of my birthday over 2 weeks ago and I've been so busy trying to study and stuff that I haven't been able to talk to them much either. I miss them a lot.
5) On the way to my fourth and final class of the day (6PM-7PM) I: crashed into my friend's bike while biking, dropped my keys on the way there and had to brake fast to get off my bike and get them from the middle of the bike path, went to the wrong class, and forgot my bike light. Ugh.
6) The smoke detector in Kathy and Ranjani's room went on for over an hour and, being morally conscious, I couldn't let them deal with it alone since Kathy is sick and a lot of them hves early classes (I don't) so I stayed with them and waited for it to get fixed. It went off around 11PM and didn't stop until past 12:40AM.
On the bright side, it's not supposed to rain tomorrow, I got to spend some good quality time with MyLan, I don't have anymore midterms this week, I only have one class tomorrow, and my karma will increase. Woooooo.
I hope the rest of you had a better Monday than I did.
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| In just less than 10 minutes, I will no longer be a minor.
I celebrated my birthday earlier on the 3rd with my family, so it kind of feels as though my birthday has already passed and I don't feel like celebrating anymore. I want to keep the memory of my birthday as the one I had at home, you know?
Mmm, quick update about what has been going on in my life:
-I've started college. General opinion? It's pretty good. I like most of my classes alright, but remembering where my classes are and when they are is kind of stressful. I highly enjoy the social aspect.
- I've become a lot less apathetic and more outgoing
- I still have a hot-temper
- I got a perm. Curly, curly, curly! Good or bad? I can't decide yet. Depends on my mood.
It is now 12AM. Happy Birthday to me.
I miss my mommy.
It is now 12:10AM. Time for bed.
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Recently, I've taken a fascination to make-up as an art.
Okay, maybe not so recently. I've sort of been fascinated with the art of make-up since last year, but it was only more recently did I really get into art through make-up. Think about it: a clean face as your canvas, make-up brushes as your tools of the trade, eye-shadows your paints, liquid eye-liner your ink.
Not even just pretty make-up or what ever - I mean down right just outrageous and out there sort of make-up!
 Take this picture for example. Who would actually wear that make-up in the day-time as everyday make-up? Some people, I'm sure. But generally nobody, hee hee. The make-up is so vibrant and crazy and outlandish and just all around gorgeous, and it looks great when contrasted with her white skin and dark hair. This is the kind of crazy make-up art that I've been so fascinated with! Ever since Aivi asked me to shoot her album cover for the CD she's working on, I've been trying to experiment with make-up that you probably would only wear in photo shoots or for costumes or w/e else, but not generally for everyday use. Sadly, I don't have enough make-up to go full out and wild so I'll keep practicing and working with what I have until I get the chance to run by any beauty store to pick up some stuff. With that, I'll leave you with two examples of some make-up art I've done so far! (If only I had larger eye-lids, haha) | | |
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Maybe it's not so much the jeans themselves, but shopping for them. As everyone knows, finding the perfect pair of jeans is a nearly impossible feat.
Not only is the process of finding a decent pair of jeans lengthy, but trying on a bunch of different pairs of jeans is annoying. And it sucks even more when you don't fit for one reason or another because your self-esteem gets shot (particularly if you have a body like me) in its pudgy little face D:
Common problems I have finding the right jeans include them being too low, too loose around the legs or thighs, always loose around the derriere, squishes my extraordinary gut when sitting, and occasionally being too long for my legs.
But sometimes, you get lucky and have a spectacular moment where you pull on the jeans, over your legs, up to your waist, and you find that everything fits wonderfully once you button up those bad boys. Hugs you in all the right places, is comfortable enough to be active in, and affordable to boot!
If you're like me, moments such as these are rare and you decide to settle on the next best thing: the affordable jeans that look decent and aren't entirely comfortable, but bearable enough to get you through the day.
Once summer ends, it's good-bye to wearing all those beloved shorts everyday and back into those leg crushing jeans (after spending summer with my legs breathing freely, I find transitioning back into jeans a difficult and uncomfortable task) <3
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Lately I've been feeling rather anti-social for some reason. It tends to come and go in spurts.
At some level, I enjoy being alone. Swept away in my own thoughts, not having to deal with anyone else - just me and my imagination.
On another level, I hate being alone. No one to listen, no one to relate with, no one to bring me back into the realities of today.
I can't say that I've made a great effort to connect with other people over summer. But at the same time, I feel like if people wanted to hear from me, they would have done so already. Does this bother me? Only to a small extent. The fact that no one really talks to me anymore mirrors my inclination to go talk to others.
You always hear people say they don't like someone because he/she is so fake. Ironically, the people I hear saying things like that never seem any more real than the people they put down for it. Since dropping my facade of being somewhat of a pushover and letting people take advantage of me, I think people like me less. Or maybe its my apathetic disposition that turns people away.
I don't know what's bothering me deep down. I think it might be the fact that I'm confused identity wise. Not just about my name, but also about my demeanor in general. People may argue that a name is just a name and doesn't define who you are. To me, my name makes all the difference. With out a name, who am I? Just another face.
I think my apathy is just another facade to keep me from being emotionally vulnerable.
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